By Steven Slinkard
Almost 20-years ago, my ex-wife had our three children on a court-ordered visit. After our divorce some time before, I had been granted custody of our two sons and daughter in our hometown of Greenfield, Indiana. But I wanted them to have a normal relationship with their mother, and so off they went for a brief visit.
They never came back. They remained missing for the next 18-years.
The personal impact was devastating. My desire and willingness to do anything to bring my kids home never faltered. However, my hopes of fulfilling that dream developed into a nightmare of despair. I became withdrawn and depressed as time went on – years passing without any knowledge or likelihood of finding my children. I stopped socializing with friends, while attending family functions became difficult and church no longer was a place of solace for me. I listened to my friends and family talk about their children, but I wasn’t able to add anything to the conversation since my sources of inspiration were no longer part of my life.
I began to think I was being punished for something I had done and that I didn’t deserve to be happy. Unfortunately, I did not seek professional counseling because I didn’t believe anyone could help me without experiencing the same type of loss. My life cycle became robotic in nature…sleep, eat, and work.
My spare time was spent surfing the Internet, placing information about my missing children on various websites. I sent flyers and letters to various organizations, schools, police stations and hospitals around the world to keep their abduction story alive. I hoped that someone, somewhere, someday would recognize a picture of my children and advise authorities of their location.
The best thing I did was to become involved as a parent advocate with Team Hope, an association of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. I might not have taken advantage of counseling for myself, but I was able to positively impact other parents suffering a similar fate. It helped me to help them understand the process, show them how to locate resources, and give them an avenue to discuss their feelings with someone who could relate.
But my story – at least partially – ended far more happily than is the fortune of many parents of missing children. On January 27, 2014, my son Nathan, whom I had last seen when he was five years old, walked into the U.S. Consulate in Guadalajara, Mexico. He had been living in that country under an assumed name since 1995. He told them his American name and said he wanted to go home.
Nathan was able to provide the consulate agents with his original birth certificate, social security card, a picture of him with me when he was about four years old, and other important documents. He was also able to show identifying body marks to confirm his identity. DNA comparison was not necessary since they were able to prove his identity without it.
Although Nathan is 18-years older and his facial features have matured from those of a little boy to a man, it only took a couple of seconds of looking at his picture to recognize him as my little brown-eyed, blond-haired boy whom I love more than life. The U.S. Consulate, National Center, F.B.I., and Hancock County (Indiana) Sheriff’s Department coordinated their efforts to quickly bring my boy home.
Now, nearly 20-years after my children went missing, I have one of my children back in my life. I cannot begin to describe the elation and new sense of wholeness I feel. Nathan’s return has provided me with a rejuvenated, renewed awareness in life’s vigor. While I still don’t have complete closure, as I have had no contact with my other children, I have a renewed degree of resolution. Nathan’s assurance of Andrew and Sydney’s safety and good health gives me great comfort and relief.
The old saying, “as one door closes, another one opens,” has always held strong meaning for me. Having Nathan back and the probability of someday becoming reacquainted with Andrew and Sydney has closed a long and painful chapter of my life. But it isn’t over yet. There are more aspects to closure than simply being reunified with your missing loved one. Unfortunately, I hadn’t allowed myself to fully process my grief back when my children were taken from me and I didn’t process it over the many years they were missing.
I now find myself working through the remaining stages of grief, as well as feelings of confusion, anger, and anxiety. I am anxious to understand the experiences my children have had over the hears and about them accepting me, wanting to be a part of my life, and allowing me to be a part of their lives. I am angry when I think of the milestones, memories, the hurts and joys of their lives that I missed out on while they were growing up. I am confused by how my life has changed, once again, on a dime.
The life, routine, and norm I lived the past 18-years changed. I am a dad again. I no longer have to suffer the complete unknown and uncertainty about my missing children’s well being, safety, and welfare. I now can worry in the same fashion as most other parents for their adult children. My daily routine, as well as my spare time, is no longer spent in the same way as I did for so many years.
Looking back over the past two decades of my life, I am now able to better scrutinize my actions and thoughts. Of course there are some things I wish I would have done differently. No two people react to tragedy in the same way; everyone responds in their individual, unique manner. There is no right or wrong way for a parent or family to approach the fear, pain, and uncertainty of a missing child. Although Nathan is the only one of my children who has returned home so far, I maintain hope to be blessed with a relationship with Andrew and Sydney om the future.
I can not express just how elated I am for Steven, and now both of his sons, to have new beginnings. Nothing will ever bring back the years stolen from Father and Sons, but every day we live and breathe, gives new opportunities. I pray for the day when he will embrace his daughter again. I can not imagine the pain Marc felt, and so many others, but I know firsthand a pain similar to Steven’s pain. My young son was abducted in 2009, and 2 different County Law Enforcement Agencies on both sides of the country, REFUSED to follow Federal Law and input missing persons reports, calling it a “domestic civil issue”. My son was dragged around the Country, under false names, with the abductor assisted by various individuals and official agencies using FEDERAL FUNDS, to acquire False names and documents, and to hide in plain site in public schools and employed with a false name and false identity, all the while listed with NCMEC and on the FBI NCIC. NO ONE could or would find them. Fortunately after 3 years, my son was found under a false alias. Not by any agency, but by 1 diligent hospital social worker. Despite Unanimous support at the Appellate Court level and prevailing in a State Supreme Court case, Audaciously, my son was not returned to me, but placed in foster care in a different State. I had to fight to bring him back, to the “Exclusive Continuing” home jurisdiction State. Over 2 years later he is finally home, but I am still fighting to fully extricate him from a system that did more harm than good, all while my 1st Amendment Rights have been rescinded by a overbearing separate Juvenile State and System, that thrives on Federal Funds awarded per capita for every child for every day in the system. Federal Funds were used to hide my son from LE, and then Federal funds used to “legally” abduct him again. A manufactured and Federally Funded Greek Tragedy. Marc and Steven know my real identity. I’ve met Marc and members of his amazing team. Steven helped and counseled me through some dark days, all while still suffering his injustice and nightmare. But I dare not publicly reveal my identity today, lest the mighty hand that stripped my Constitutional Rights punish me for non-compliance. My Parental Rights are under siege. One day my Constitutional Rights will be restored, and then on that day, I will reveal a perversely broken system that encourages, rewards and in some ways thrives on fostering acrimony and can even be reasonably accused of encouraging Parental Abduction by doing NOTHING tangible to prevent it, far to little to discourage, truly criminalize and punish it, and in fact, profits from it. My heart goes out to Marc, there is no comparison to his Angel Polly’s loss, and I am ever grateful to Steven for inspiring me to forge on. Parental Abduction is a crime that masquerades as “loving” but is saturated in hate and harm. A child’s life is not taken literally, but their own identity, and bond with and love for and from the target parent is destroyed from within, and poison them. MORE must be done to prevent and severely punish crimes against children, the most innocent and vulnerable of this world. That we as a Nation and Society do not make deterring and preventing all types of harm and abuse of children a paramount priority, and that some “Systems” actually subsist partially on Federal and State Funds ( our taxes ) in the aftermath, is nothing short of a National disgrace. For now, I know I have been granted a miracle and am grateful, and I pray for all the children still missing and their parents still searching, and especially for the parents who may never know, or whose children have been taken forever, and for those children’s souls to be at peace.
Dear Mr. Klaas,
I can’t thank you enough for all that you do. I am also grateful to you for capturing my 3 granddaughters pictures & fingerprints when they gave you a really hard time in Monterey. You all were truly wonderful w/ them. You’re a dear & amazing human being & my heart goes out to you every day. Sincerely, The Hall’s in Monterey, CA xoxo
it is shocking to know about the abduction case. We feel insecure nowadays. I have kids and I am afraid of the current terrorism.
For (9) years of my life since my son was abducted. I have experienced many of the same things that you have. I can only hope that I will experience the same outcome.
Mr Slinkard,
I hope that there is some form of reconciliation with your other son and your daughter.
Don’t give up hope that Andrew and Sidney will one day come home too.
How wonderful for Mr. Slinkard. My prayers are with you for your healing and the reconciliation with your other children as well. It’s about time you were dealt a blessing.