KlaasKids 3.0 – Happy Birthday Polly

Category Archives: Polly Klaas

KlaasKids 3.0 – Happy Birthday Polly

Today we should be celebrating Polly’s 32nd birthday. Instead we are honoring her memory by introducing powerful new technology and philanthropic programs to the world that were inspired by her brief life.

 

2013 also represents the 20th year of our advocacy on behalf of America’s children. We can think of no better way to acknowledge that milestone than by providing 21st century solutions that put the power of prevention and pro-action in the hands of families, neighborhoods and communities.

 

We have forcefully engaged the public policy arena for the past 20 years because we believe that public safety is Governments fundamental duty.  Every citizen has the right to walk on safe streets, to send their children to safe schools and to live without the fear of violence or victimization.

 

In the early 1990’s, when America was experiencing an epidemic of crime, we supported truth in sentencing, the assault weapons ban, and criminal accountability. We championed Megan’s Law so that communities would be aware of registered sex offenders in their midst. In the new millennium we spoke out loud and often for Jessica’s Law, and defended every effort to undermine California’s 3-Strikes & You’re Out Law. KlaasKids was one of the first organizations to acknowledge that the United States supplies much of our own human trafficking demand, and have worked diligently to educate the public and rescue underage victims of human trafficking. These past few years we have labored to update Megan’s Law into the 21st Century by including internet identifiers as a component of the registration process.

 

But now, all of that work is coming undone, because of apathy and government incompetence. And those who will suffer the consequences are the very people government is entrusted to protect.

 

In recent years California’s Department of Public Health has ignored Jessica’s Law and paper screened tens of thousands of potential sexually violent predators like John Gardner back onto our streets.

 

In October 2011 Governor Brown’s prison realignment program reassigned the responsibility for housing and monitoring tens of thousands of so-called non serious, non-violent, non-sexual prison inmates from the state to the Counties. This is a responsibility that the counties were ill equipped to accept or handle, and as a result serious, violent and sexual crime rates have soared.

 

California voters overwhelmingly passed the 3-Strikes & You’re Out Law in 1994, and by 2012, you were half as likely to be a victim of violent crime as you would have been in 1993. Yet, a cleverly worded proposition has modified that law to the point that it is no longer worth the paper it was written on and we will soon be releasing third strikers back onto our streets. How do you think that is going to work out for all of us?

 

In 2011 we worked the halls of the California State Legislature to include Internet identifiers as a component of sex offender registration, only to run into a brick wall at every turn. In response we fought for Proposition 35, the CASE Act, on the November 2012 ballot and the people voted overwhelmingly to enact the policies that our politicians refused to ratify. More than 81% of voters agreed that internet identifiers should be included as a component of the sex offender registry. Yet only a few weeks ago the ACLU challenged the constitutionality of Prop 35 in the Superior Court of the State of California with false claims and phony arguments.

 

All of this tells me that we need to take responsibility for our own safety. I’m not suggesting that we arm ourselves to the teeth with handguns, rifles, assault weapons, or rocket propelled grenade launchers as some horrible old men in legislatures throughout the United States have been hinting at in response to Connecticut’s Sandy Hook massacre. Instead, we need to arm ourselves with knowledge, technology, and philanthropy. There are numerous child-safe technology solutions in the marketplace. Some work, and some don’t. However, all of them existed in a vacuum until today.

 

For more than a year now, the KlaasKids Foundation has been working with vendors, inventors and visionaries to produce a comprehensive suite of technology and funding tools to address the challenges faced by America’s small children and their families. Today, I’d like to introduce you to the fruits of our labor.

 

Cocoon for KlaasKids uses Cloud Technology to protect children from predators and abusive marketers. Polly’s Guardian Angel is a parent initiated missing child alert smart phone application. It provides the direct support of the KlaasKids Polly Center response team. The LEO Wristwatch is GPS, cell phone technology that cannot be as easily discarded as Sierra LaMar’s GPS enabled cell phone if your child has been stolen. And finally, the Klaas Family Housing Fund provides a new and innovative way to assist the families of missing children with housing expenses.

 

Life is Good!

With Polly & Ariel 1989

Last night when it was dark and I was listening to Billie Holiday sing the blues, I read my sister Elizabeth’s Facebook post, “19 years ago today I had to say goodbye to my angel, my soul mate. Polly, I think about you every day and I will love you forever! I know we will see each other again… someday.” Within a very few minutes I was seized in grief. Probably not the best time to listen to Billie Holiday.

 

I posted my feelings, in the moment, on Facebook, though I try to avoid becoming too personal with people I don’t really know. Then I reached out to my niece Ariel who was also online. I vented, I may have spoken inelegantly, but she listened and comforted me. Then I closed down my computer and continued to listen as the lady sang the blues.

 

Slowly, I regained my composure and wiped the tears from my cheeks. Eventually, Violet came downstairs and I told her what had happened. She held me in her arms as we sat quietly. Finally, we watched a little TV and went to bed.

 

This morning I opened Facebook and realized that thousands of people had responded to my post. There were expressions of support and sorrow that took my breath away. Ariel left a message that spoke to my heart as she had never done before. Somehow, my life suddenly felt validated.

 

I don’t know most of the people on Facebook who reached out to me, but their motivations were pure, good, and provided relief. My sister reminded me of the significance of a very difficult day and the importance of unconditional love, my niece was there to offer comfort during a difficult moment, and my wife held me when I felt isolated.

 

Life is good.

 

Legacy

Legacy is defined as something transmitted by or received from the past. In my business, which so often deals with the aftermath of loss, legacy is at the vanguard of peoples thoughts. While it might not have been at the forefront of our minds when all was well, it becomes integrally tied into future considerations as we cope with the loss of a loved one. The closer our relationship to the one who has passed, the more we think about their legacy.

 

8-year-old Polly Klaas

When the past arrives suddenly and without invitation defining a legacy is a way to make sense of the senseless, and to give meaning to death. It was thoughts of legacy that helped me ascend from the depths of the abyss after Polly’s tragedy in 1993. She had given beautiful meaning to her life, but after October 1, she only existed in memory and risked being measured as nothing more than a statistical abstraction. I wanted to ensure that her death had meaning; that it was not in vain. To achieve that goal I had to create her legacy.

 

Violet and I thought that the Polly Klaas Foundation would be the instrument of that legacy, but instead we were deceived. Finally, the KlaasKids Foundation, which we founded and controlled, became the vessel upon which her legacy would be conceived and implemented. Stop Crimes Against Children became our mission and Polly was our beacon. Almost 20-years later, we feel a sense of accomplishment and truly believe that Polly’s death represents more than a point on a pie chart.

 

Amber Harris Video In Omaha, Nebraska the parents of twelve-year-old Amber Harris struggled mightily to define the legacy of their slain daughter. On November 29, 2005 Amber got off of the school bus at the wrong stop and was never seen alive again. Her remains were discovered in a shallow grave on May 10, 2006. The man sentenced to death for kidnapping, raping and murdering Amber was a registered sex offender who lived near her bus stop. At Amber’s publicly televised memorial her mother announced that her legacy would include school bus rerouting so that proximity to the homes of level 3 registered sex offenders could be avoided. Amber’s parents were successful in that effort.

 

 

 

Megan Kanka & Megan’s Law

So many laws are named after murdered children. When the mother of seven-year-old Megan Kanka quietly and eloquently told reporters that if she had known that a high risk sex offender lived across the street she never would have allowed her daughter to play alone in the front yard, it struck a public nerve. Since 1996, convicted sex offenders in the United States have been required to register with local law enforcement and citizens have been able to access that information to protect their families. Megan’s legacy is Megan’s Law.

 

In 2005, little Jessica Lunsford was sexually abused and murdered by a level 3 sex offender neighbor in rural Florida. Her father Mark began touring State Capitols lobbying for legislation that would classify lewd or lascivious molestation on a person under the age of 12 as a life felony, and a mandatory minimum sentence of 25 years in prison and lifetime electronic monitoring of adults convicted of lewd or lascivious molestation against a victim less than 12 years old. Jessica’s Law has been enacted in more than 40-states and Jessica Lunsford’s legacy will protect children for decades to come.

 

Legacy can be manifested in many forms. Every time that Michael Le and Krystine Dinh volunteer at the Sierra Search Center they add to their beloved sister and cousin Michelle Le’s legacy. Like so many others who volunteer with the KlaasKids Foundation or the Sierra Search Center, they have found a way to pay their loss forward through legacy building. You can create a movement that will change the world; you can conduct your life in a way that will honor the memory of the child, brother, sister, mother or father who inspires thoughts of legacy; or you can do any and all things in between. One is no more important than the other. What is important is that you honor the memory of loss in a way that soothes your mind and allows you to sleep at night knowing that you have created meaning out of death.

 

While Polly’s years were few, her stature diminutive and her experience was limited, her legacy is as vast as her courage. She inspired us to be bigger, better and more than we otherwise would have been. Through the work of the KlaasKids Foundation her final act has reverberated from the family kitchen table to the president’s cabinet table.

Betrayal

Soon after my daughter Polly was kidnapped on October 1, 1993, she became known as America’s child. Donations to assist and facilitate the search poured in from the far corners of America. Violet and I founded the nonprofit Polly Klaas Foundation (PKF) to best administer funds and to protect ourselves from potential speculation that we would misappropriate money donated to help find Polly. We wanted to be proactive in ensuring that the focus remained on finding Polly.

 

Nonprofit organizations are governed by a Board of Directors. For the PKF we chose individuals who were prominent during the early days of the search. In fact, Violet and I left much of the organizing to those very people as we immersed ourselves in the search for our missing daughter. We named the organization after Polly because the donations, the focus and the hope was all about my daughter. Before the month of October, 1993 ended the Internal Revenue Service had conferred nonprofit status on the PKF.

 

Board responsibilities included fundraising, program development and financial management. Generally, Boards of Directors do not become involved in the day to day running of an organization. Those are tasks that are left to the nonprofit’s President, Executive Director, and staff.

 

Upon learning of Polly’s tragic death on Dec. 4, it was our intention to lobby for laws that would protect children, use the remaining $283,000 to help find other missing children, and continue fundraising, but the PKF Board made it difficult to accomplish these objectives. They seemed more concerned about protecting (their) assets and enjoying the status of sitting on the Board of a high profile nonprofit organization. This resulted in deep and ingrained tension between Violet, me and the Board. Violet, who was not a member of the Board, was not allowed to attend meetings. At these meetings I often found myself with very few allies.

 

Janet Reno’s visit to Petaluma in July, 1994 was a good example of my conflict with the Board. I had secured the United States Attorney General to speak at a town hall meeting to discuss crimes against children. As a result, the PKF Board accused me of grandstanding. They reasoned that if the Attorney General’s visit was a success I would receive the glory, but if it failed they would take the blame. After Ms. Reno’s visit, which went very well, drew massive media attention, and filled the hall at the Petaluma Community Center, relations between the Board and me became even more strained.

President Clinton signing the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994

Within a year of my daughter’s kidnapping several events foreshadowed our rocky nonprofit experience and lonely crusade. On September 13, 1994, I stood on the podium with President Clinton at the White House when he signed The Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994. The President gave me the first pen that he used to sign the bill. The Crime Bill provided for 100,000 new cops, allocated $6.1-billion in prevention funds for at risk children, and nearly $10-billion for prison construction costs.

 

Within days of my invitation to join the president the PKF Board informed me that I was no longer allowed to pursue criminal justice legislation. They argued that a non-profit organization is prohibited from advocating for new laws. They knew that this was not accurate. What was happening was the PKF Board had created a mission limitation that did not include legislation. Violet and I believed that Polly’s legacy had to include powerful public policy positions that would protect other children from her tragedy.

 

Without hesitation and a sense of urgency a separate non-profit application to create what would become known as the KlaasKids Foundation had been submitted from which to lobby, advocate and promote legislation. The PKF Board said that I had created a conflict of interest by finding an avenue that would allow me to pursue goals that they forbade me from pursuing. This was their justification for expelling me from the nonprofit that bore my daughter’s name. Ironically, the current PKF website states that a primary objective is to effect legislation which, “Will ensure that children can be safe in their own homes and communities.”

 

Within one year and 20-days of my daughter’s death, on October 21, 1994, without my knowledge, the PKF Board secured a trademark for the name Polly Klaas. My daughter’s name now belonged to the Polly Klaas Foundation.

 

Within a month of trademarking my daughter’s name, while Violet and I were out of town, the PKF Board voted me off the board during a secret meeting. This was the first Board meeting that I did not attend since the inception of the organization. Over the telephone the Board President informed me that I was expelled from the nonprofit organization that bore my daughter’s name. I felt that I had lost my daughter yet again. Violet and I were no longer welcome at the Foundation that we had created and hoped would become Polly’s legacy. We had been betrayed.

 

When Violet and I were locked out of the PKF we had $2,000, a fledgling nonprofit that would become the KlaasKids Foundation and knives in our backs. We felt that we had lost our daughter yet again. With a sense of urgency we believed that there was no time to lose, because otherwise everyone would forget. We struggled. Violet worked a full time job; I volunteered my time to KlaasKids. We lived frugally, turning our home into an office. We worked 18-hour days writing, advocating, traveling and otherwise pursuing our window of opportunity. Fortunately, our voice and our passion were being heard on television, radio, in the op-ed pages of newspapers and at KlaasKids events throughout the country.

 

It was through KlaasKids that we built a solid reputation for action and accomplishment. Meanwhile the PKF struggled. With just a few months of operating expenses left in their account, PKF launched a high profile car donation program. For the next several years a confused public donated millions of dollars’ worth of vehicles in Polly’s name despite the fact that the PKF produced minimal results.

 

The sense of betrayal continues to this day. Today it was brought to my attention that there is an organization exploiting missing Morgan Hill cheerleader Sierra LaMar for profit. The families who suffer and are victimized by the loss of their children are victimized yet again by those who steal, exploit or profit off of personal tragedy. I have witnessed too many instances of family members pursuing a legacy in honor of their loved one only to have their organization hijacked.

 

Shame on them! People or groups who oust family members betray the memories of crime victims by heaping insult upon injury. Sometimes I can still feel the knife in my back, but I take solace in the knowledge that Polly was my child and that her legacy is my destiny. KlaasKids may not bare Polly’s name, but we have created her legacy and given meaning to her death. One of the lessons of betrayal is to remain strong and not allow it to tarnish our character.

 

 

 

 

 

Sierra LaMar: Anatomy of a Search Day 120

Beauty attracts…everyone.

 

With Violet at the Birds Nest Stadium

Violet and I enjoy the Olympics so much that we attended in Los Angeles in 1984 and Beijing in 2008. For two weeks every four years we try to clear our calendars so that we can spend the evening watching the amazing athletic competitions, hopefully without being undermined by smartphone or Internet spoilers.

 

But, truth be told, one of our favorite aspects to the Olympics is simply watching the athletes. Demonstrating dazzling displays of power and speed, Olympic athletes shine on the world stage at the peak of physical perfection, dazzling billions of awe struck onlookers with feats of unequaled athletic ability.  We can see it in their clear focus, scrubbed complexions and toned muscles. They are, simply put, beautiful!

Sierra LaMar

After the Olympics I sometimes go to bed as my thoughts drift toward the search for Sierra LaMar. Like my own daughter Polly, Sierra was doing nothing wrong. She was simply a girl minding her own business when her life was invaded by a fatal attraction that changed everything. An attraction triggered by youthful beauty and fueled by madness.

 

Beauty can propel you to superstar heights. It can bring you happiness and the adoration of millions. Beautiful people seem to walk a path through life that simply appears under the red carpet. They have an ease of confidence and success seems to come more readily. Beauty doesn’t even require personality as it exists of its own accord.

 

However, beauty does have its downside. It attracts everybody and not everybody has best of intentions. When beauty attracts the beast the consequences can be dire because sometimes the beast cannot simply admire, but must possess. And the beast cannot share, but must consume. Then beauty ceases to exist and the beast turns his attention elsewhere, seeking out more beauty. It goes on and on and on until it is stopped.

 

Polly Klaas and People Magazine

Polly always wanted to be on the cover of People Magazine, and to take care of her father when she grew up. I always thought that she had the all American beauty and talent to achieve that goal. Well Polly was propelled onto the cover of People Magazine by a fame that was as unpredictable as it was unwanted. Now, I sit in the back of Town Cars, or watch the Olympics and reflect on the nature of beauty.  If you are fortunate you become adored and walk life along the red carpet. If you are unfortunate and your beauty attracts the eye of evil, you may never have the chance to achieve your dreams or fulfill your potential.

 

Beauty is a double edged sword that can propel you to the heights of glory or drag you into the depths of some psycho’s personal Hell.

Sierra LaMar: Anatomy of a Search Day 80

The call came in exactly 20-hours after Polly was kidnapped from a slumber party in her home. Violet and I had left our home in Sausalito that morning, but a trusted relative was housesitting for us just in case she did call. The sun had gone down, dusk was settling over the valley and I was beginning to freak out when we were informed about the phone call. The situation, which was becoming darker by the minute, suddenly looked like it might turn into a weekend adventure after all. We exhaled a sigh of relief and waited for law enforcement to wrap up the case.

 

Somebody has been masquerading as Sierra LaMar in various social network communities. This activity began not long after she was reported missing. On April 18, it was through her twitter account. Initially, Sierra’s sister Danielle thought that the post might be from her sister, but she quickly realized that if Sierra wanted to communicate to her family, she would call and not post online. The most recent postings occurred on June 18: first an Instagram message, and then a Facebook posting. Danielle considers these most recent hoaxes as nothing more than a mean spirited sideshow.

 

The minutes dragged into the deep night and then the early morning hours and we still hadn’t heard back from the authorities. It had all seemed so simple. The message was brief and unambiguous, “It’s me, Polly! I’m at the Day’s Inn in Daly City. Hurry, he’s coming back,” and then the line went dead. So, what was taking so long, and why hadn’t they rescued her yet?

 

Hoaxes are never funny or clever. They are nothing more than lies disguised as truth, designed to misdirect and obscure, oftentimes with devastating results. Unless it is April Fool’s Day, and they are executed in the spirit of fun, hoaxes have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. When you are dealing with life or death situations, such as a missing child event, hoaxes are a cruel display of ignorance and a lack of empathy for people in dire straits.

 

By 3:00 a.m. I was staring at the ceiling of a motel room in Petaluma. There were others in the room and the regulated breathing indicated that they were asleep. I got up, put on my shoes and shirt and quietly left the room. There was a slight chill in the air and the full moon lighted the sky. I crossed the street. All was quiet as I walked to the middle of the empty supermarket parking lot. I fell to my knees and unloaded a banshee scream that could be heard in the heavens because I needed the attention of the God who had forsaken my child.

 

It’s bad enough that false hope is raised for a short period of time only to be replaced by cold, hard reality. Other dynamics are at work as well. As much as we search for Sierra, opine about Sierra and pray for her safe return, the ultimate resolution of this case is in the hands of the authorities. They need to maintain their focus and pursue solid evidence and leads. The Sierra LaMar Taskforce has to redirect its investigation to deal with false leads, hard rumors, and lies. This costs time, drains resources and may cost the victim dearly. It affects morale and delays justice.

 

After some period of time had passed I felt a hand upon my shoulder. I turned and looked up into Violet’s eyes, illuminated in the moonlight. I knew that she shared my agony, and wordlessly we returned to the motel, entering quietly so as not to wake up the rest of my family. At 8:00 a.m., approximately 12-hours after my brother-in-law received the call from the little girl, the FBI told me that there was no Days Inn in Daly City. They had searched every motel in Daly City as well as every Day’s Inn from San Francisco to San Jose only to realize that the phone call was nothing more than a hoax.

 

These Internet hoaxes are the product of a malicious, weak mind. They bring a degree of shame on a community that has otherwise responded magnificently to the plight of a child who found comfort and delight in the very social media communities that now seem to conspire against her.

 

By the time the next call came a week later the FBI had put a trap on our phone. My sister-in-law answered and kept the girl on line long enough to trace the source. She also asked her to describe the poster above her bed, which she couldn’t do. She was 13-years-old and was just pulling a prank: a mean spirited stunt that had no purpose other than piling on the agony and offering a moment of false hope.

What Should Have Happened – Polly Klaas

On October 2, 1993 Polly and the two girls who spent the night at her slumber party woke up at about 9:00 am, rolled up their sleeping bags, washed up, brushed their teeth and ate blueberry pancakes for breakfast. They’d been up the night before playing Nintendo and a favorite board game called Perfect Match. After Kate and Gillian left about an hour later Polly helped her mom Eve and half-sister Annie pack for their weekend trip to Monterey, about three-hours down the coast from their home in Petaluma, CA. On the way to the car Polly locked the back door, which had been left unlocked the night before. Polly was spending the weekend with her dad in Sausalito

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This should have happened because Richard Allen Davis was properly denied parole at a hearing three months previously. Davis was a known threat to society. When he was a child Davis tortured and killed animals. During the course of his extensive criminal history he was sentenced to more than 200 years behind bars. In 1978 he was diagnosed as a sexually sadistic psychopath. He chose to victimize women who were isolated and alone.
On June 27, 1993 Davis was paroled after serving less than half of a sixteen-year-sentence for kidnapping, pistol whipping, and robbing $6,000 from his victim. During August and September 1993, many people in Petaluma crossed paths with Richard Allen Davis. On September 27, Daryl Stone went to Wickersham Park, diagonally across the street from Polly’s house. He passed within twenty feet of Richard Davis who was sitting on a park bench with a heavy set, ruddy complexioned woman about a hundred and fifty yards from Polly’s house. Davis was wearing dirty jeans and a sweatshirt with cut sleeves. They were drinking liquor from a bottle in a paper bag, talking loudly. Their demeanor and attitude disgusted Stone. He did not want to be in the park with the crude couple, so he went home, one block away.
What should have happened is that he called the police who then dispatched a patrolman to the scene. Because the interaction was prompted by a citizen complaint the officer had probable cause to run a criminal history on the crude, disheveled drifter whose arms were covered in prison tattoos. The officer arrested him on the spot because Davis, who did not live in Petaluma, was in violation of his parole. The career criminal was returned to San Quentin prison to serve out the remainder of his sentence for kidnapping and pistol whipping his previous victim.
California lawmakers, unconcerned with public safety, released Davis from prison in 2001. Three months later Davis was loitering in Sausalito, California’s Dunphy Park. He had been spending quite a lot of time in that park lately because he had his eye on a pretty and carefree twelve-year-old girl who passed by daily. It was a balmy spring afternoon when he stole a bicycle that belonged to one of a group of boys that were fishing along the shoreline. He was immediately arrested.
Given the nature of his criminal history the Marin County District Attorney decided to prosecute Davis under California’s Three-Strikes-and-You’re Out penalty enhancement statute. Davis was convicted and sentenced to twenty-five-years to life in prison. He died before his sentence was completed.

This is what should have happened. Too bad reality got in the way and no one was held accountable and hearts were broken. Life goes on.

Jonathan’s Gift

During the course of one year I lost my only child to violence, my youngest brother to the ravages of illness and a grandmother to time. I survived these tragedies a better, stronger, and more determined person, because I was nurtured by the grace of angels.

The hand of God touched me on the day Polly was born. The first time I held her in my arms I experienced the power of unconditional love. This perfect baby was mine, and I would love and protect her forever. For me, this was the miracle of birth.

I was fortunate that Polly was my companion on this earthly pilgrimage. The strength of her commitment enhanced my understanding of the human condition and provided me with clarity of vision. The depth of her emotion taught me that caring for others could strengthen my own self worth and expand my horizons beyond material values. The purity of her love defined her final act. She faced her worst fears with courage worthy of the most seasoned combat veteran. On shaky knees, as the devil was stealing her into the night, her final words were, “Please don’t hurt my mother and sister.” My greatest teacher was only twelve-years-old.

That night the angels dipped their wings over Petaluma and re-claimed one of their own. In life Polly shared her gifts with those who were touched by her presence, but in death she touched us all. The welfare of a little lost girl surmounted religious, ethnic and political barriers. Millions of eyes were looking for her and millions of hands were clasped in prayer for her safe return. Her presence on earth set a course that millions of years of evolution, thousands of years of legislation and hundreds of years of struggle and strife couldn’t accomplish. She brought us together as one. Those were Polly’s angels.

The nation rose like a phoenix in the wake of Polly’s tragedy and demanded answers. For sixty-five days we navigated the murky waters of despair toward a fate that tantalized us with glimmers of light, and then doused our hopes with uncertain veils of darkness. Finally the prayers of Polly’s angels were answered, but not as we expected. Polly’s unselfish bravery in the face of doom provided the target and her commitment of love gave us the weapon to use in the eternal struggle between good and evil. In bitter irony we discovered that in order to win the war, we sometimes have to lose a battle.

Seven months later I visited my brother Jonathan on his deathbed. He seemed to be recovering and was excited to see me. I held his hand as he told me the following story. “Earlier today Polly visited me. She fluttered above me like a butterfly on tiny wings. I asked her why her wings were so small? She said that it was because she wasn’t ready to go yet. Then Polly said, ‘Get ready Uncle Jonny, because you will be joining me soon and there are a great big pair of wings waiting for you.’ I asked her if I should hurry? Polly said, ‘No, Uncle Jon, you want your wings to get as big as they can, and together we will take a ride that is better than anything at Disneyland.” Two days later Jonathan died. Now he is with Polly on a fantastic voyage.

My grandmother was very old, bed ridden and fragile, so we didn’t tell her about either of these misfortunes. Besides, she was riding horses, and wanted to get to the top of the mountain where Polly was waiting for her and the sun was disappearing over the horizon. She is now with Polly, and the sun has set and I know something that I never realized before. The angel we were seeking was guiding us all along.

Recovery & Redemption

It is said that losing a child is a parent’s worst nightmare. From 2000 to 2006 (the last year for which verifiable data is available) 367,844 children under the age of 19 have died in the United States. The parents of these children can attest to this nightmare. The parents of deceased children spiral into confusion whether the children were victims of violent crime, accident, suicide or infant death. They oftentimes feel betrayed by God and search for reasons to continue living. The challenge is finding the path to recovery and redemption.

Following the kidnap and murder of my daughter Polly, Violet and I joined the fraternity of survivors. We are trying to recover from the sudden, unexpected death of our child, and redeem our lives in the wake of her tragedy. We testify in Congress and State legislatures. We advocate in the media, in town hall meetings and in living rooms. We pursue righteous causes, and offer encouragement, support and hope to other families who are facing life without their children. We fear not, for we have nothing left to fear. For us, rejection is a hurdle, not a brick wall. We are everywhere, because family is universal, and death does not discriminate.

Our children give meaning to their lives, but it is up to us to give meaning to their deaths. We do this by fighting back. Instead of sleepwalking through life, we extricate ourselves from the abyss of grief by communicating the lessons that we have learned in hope of preventing future tragedies. We don‘t drown our grief in the sad downward spiral of substance abuse; we choose to give new purpose to our own shattered lives by ensuring that our children did not die in vain. We reject the unsustainable heartbreak of denial and instead try to ensure that tragedies are not repeated, that we can use our experience to support others similarly afflicted, and that some level of social benefit results from our actions. This is how we ensure that our deceased children are not relegated to data points.

Polly would want our lives to have purpose and value. She would want us to love and laugh and to find a future full of hope and substance. She would encourage us to take action, effect legislation, write poetry and touch lives. The process of burying our daughter exposed our emotions like dangling nerves. But, we survived the great depression. We take time to smell the flowers, listen to the music and appreciate all of the beautiful things that life has to offer.

The following dispatches were written in the spirit of recovery and redemption. We felt no guilt, harbored no malice and are forever grateful for the experience.
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