Anger and forgiveness have been on my mind lately. Not that I carry unfettered anger against any person, place, or thing. Indeed, my anger is directed toward those things that I cannot change. Neither do I want to forgive or be forgiven by anyone. Rather, it is in the context of the Sierra LaMar mystery that my musings wander. It is only a matter of time before the question so often asked of Sierra’s parents and sister, “How are you feeling,” morphs into “Can you let go of your anger”, and “Are you ready to forgive”.
I am inevitably taken to task for my failure to forsake anger and my unwillingness to offer forgiveness to Polly’s killer. Such criticism is borne of inexperience and a lack of knowledge. Losing a child, like having a child is an epiphany. The miracle of birth underscores and highlights unconditional love like no other experience can. When that connection is broken by unrestrained violence it becomes a boundless, cosmic betrayal that tests every emotional, spiritual and physical value.
Anger is not the negative emotion that is so often portrayed. We need not deny or stifle anger. Instead we can use anger to make the world a better place in which to live. If used correctly and divorced of violence anger can be an enlightened agent of change. I believe that anger motivated Gandhi, King, Mandela, and many other agents of change throughout history. These men were very angry about the injustice heaped upon their constituency and it was anger that drove them toward the peaceful strategies that enabled them to change the world and return the gift of equality to more than a billion oppressed humans.
There are those who suggest that we should forgive, that forgiveness makes us better people and that forgiveness is a necessary component of an evolving society. However, to forgive for sins committed against others is presumptuous and disingenuous. It would be like me forgiving Hitler for murdering six million Jews during World War 2. Forgiveness for murder is not ours to give. The only ones in a position to forgive murder are the victims and, by definition, the victims are dead, which makes murder the unforgivable sin.
The definition I learned, growing up, was that forgiving someone meant that what they did was okay, as long as they apologized and didn’t do it again. I don’t known if Oprah was the originator of this quote, but she’s well known for it: “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could be any different.”
That definition helps me to forgive.
I could not agree with you more on your stance and opinion on this matter. Each person has his or her own reasoning behind forgiving or not forgiving. Each case is different. I agree the only person that can give forgiveness to those who have committed the crime or sin, is unfortunately the ones who cannot since their life was taken. Some people do not understand from anger, pain, and frustration good things can be achieved.
To me Marc, I know I do the best I can forgiving those that “trespass against us”, but all bets are off when a child is ripped out of my arms by a monster. The best I can becomes , “what is humanly possible” in a world that I can’t help but think wasn’t anticipated for when many of the precursors for our behaviors were being laid out before us years ago.
Be easy on yourself and instruct those that are wrangling with the angst of forgiveness that the day of judgement will be swift with all of the emotions that we here on earth were unable to muster. I am assured with what I believe that their suffering will have no end.