The call came in exactly 20-hours after Polly was kidnapped from a slumber party in her home. Violet and I had left our home in Sausalito that morning, but a trusted relative was housesitting for us just in case she did call. The sun had gone down, dusk was settling over the valley and I was beginning to freak out when we were informed about the phone call. The situation, which was becoming darker by the minute, suddenly looked like it might turn into a weekend adventure after all. We exhaled a sigh of relief and waited for law enforcement to wrap up the case.
Somebody has been masquerading as Sierra LaMar in various social network communities. This activity began not long after she was reported missing. On April 18, it was through her twitter account. Initially, Sierra’s sister Danielle thought that the post might be from her sister, but she quickly realized that if Sierra wanted to communicate to her family, she would call and not post online. The most recent postings occurred on June 18: first an Instagram message, and then a Facebook posting. Danielle considers these most recent hoaxes as nothing more than a mean spirited sideshow.
The minutes dragged into the deep night and then the early morning hours and we still hadn’t heard back from the authorities. It had all seemed so simple. The message was brief and unambiguous, “It’s me, Polly! I’m at the Day’s Inn in Daly City. Hurry, he’s coming back,” and then the line went dead. So, what was taking so long, and why hadn’t they rescued her yet?
Hoaxes are never funny or clever. They are nothing more than lies disguised as truth, designed to misdirect and obscure, oftentimes with devastating results. Unless it is April Fool’s Day, and they are executed in the spirit of fun, hoaxes have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. When you are dealing with life or death situations, such as a missing child event, hoaxes are a cruel display of ignorance and a lack of empathy for people in dire straits.
By 3:00 a.m. I was staring at the ceiling of a motel room in Petaluma. There were others in the room and the regulated breathing indicated that they were asleep. I got up, put on my shoes and shirt and quietly left the room. There was a slight chill in the air and the full moon lighted the sky. I crossed the street. All was quiet as I walked to the middle of the empty supermarket parking lot. I fell to my knees and unloaded a banshee scream that could be heard in the heavens because I needed the attention of the God who had forsaken my child.
It’s bad enough that false hope is raised for a short period of time only to be replaced by cold, hard reality. Other dynamics are at work as well. As much as we search for Sierra, opine about Sierra and pray for her safe return, the ultimate resolution of this case is in the hands of the authorities. They need to maintain their focus and pursue solid evidence and leads. The Sierra LaMar Taskforce has to redirect its investigation to deal with false leads, hard rumors, and lies. This costs time, drains resources and may cost the victim dearly. It affects morale and delays justice.
After some period of time had passed I felt a hand upon my shoulder. I turned and looked up into Violet’s eyes, illuminated in the moonlight. I knew that she shared my agony, and wordlessly we returned to the motel, entering quietly so as not to wake up the rest of my family. At 8:00 a.m., approximately 12-hours after my brother-in-law received the call from the little girl, the FBI told me that there was no Days Inn in Daly City. They had searched every motel in Daly City as well as every Day’s Inn from San Francisco to San Jose only to realize that the phone call was nothing more than a hoax.
These Internet hoaxes are the product of a malicious, weak mind. They bring a degree of shame on a community that has otherwise responded magnificently to the plight of a child who found comfort and delight in the very social media communities that now seem to conspire against her.
By the time the next call came a week later the FBI had put a trap on our phone. My sister-in-law answered and kept the girl on line long enough to trace the source. She also asked her to describe the poster above her bed, which she couldn’t do. She was 13-years-old and was just pulling a prank: a mean spirited stunt that had no purpose other than piling on the agony and offering a moment of false hope.
Terrible things happen all the time, and as I read about them, I often think to my skeptical self that there is little to nothing that surprises me anymore, however, every once in a while, I’m completely FLOORED. This is one of those times.
The fact that our society is producing young people (as well as adults) that care more about reaching out and grabbing 10 minutes of fame to pull off something like this rather than open their hearts to help a devastated family that is living the worst nightmare imaginable, becomes a shining example that our society is critically ill.
Parents who display apathy towards the world will naturally raise children who are apathetic to others as well. The drive to out-sell or out-perform each other in our careers to make more money, buy a bigger house, better car, and to provide “a better life” for our children has actually diminished the quality of life for each of them. No time for this, no time for that, less and less time for the child. No time for someone else’s child. In days of old, EVERYONE in a community would become involved in searching for a missing child. Companies would shut down in order to allow their employees to help others in need. We live in a society of apathy. Instilled in a child, apathy can grow into much worse. Too many children today care about no one but themselves. Too many children are taught to hate. I’m betting that more than half of the children you speak to could not tell you what the “Golden Rule” is even about if you were to ask them.
When I was a child, if I happened to overhear the news reporting a tragedy, I cried for the people that suffered even though I did not know them. I wept when I learned that not everyone had a home to live in, food to eat, and that not every child had a mom and dad (or SOMEONE) that were there to love them, cherish them and protect them. I cried because I knew empathy. I learned it from those that raised me. Today it is apathy instead of empathy that is being taught in many homes. Tears are perceived as a sign of weakness and this is especially engrained into the psyche of male children.
When I was growing up, I knew everyone on my street and everyone knew me. I lived in neighborhoods where EVERYONE cared about each other and watched out for all children, not just their own. I was polite and respectful and I stayed out of trouble (most of the time!) because I knew that even if my parents didn’t see me do something I shouldn’t be doing that SOMEONE would and that the news would find its way to my mom and dad. Not because people butted into everyone else’s business (well a few did) but MOSTLY because they cared, and were the situation reversed they would want you to do the same for them. People helped one another.
Neighbors are no longer neighborly and rarely is it anymore that the adults in a community recognize the children that live in their own neighborhood: where they live, who their parents are. People are too busy with their own lives to bother with anyone else. Neighbors recognize trouble in the family next door, but are too afraid to talk to one another for fear that someone perceive them as being nosy. People no longer talk to each other. Instead of raising a hand to say hello and walking across the lawn to introduce themselves to a stranger that is walking down their very own street, people now turn their heads and go on with their business and soon forget they even saw anyone. No one will ever know how many times this has happened during the course of a predator’s stalking of a victim. In each case when that person was a predator, if someone would have raised that hand, spoken that greeting, and walked across the lawn to introduce themselves, what are the chances that the predator would have even attempted to carry out his mission? Might a child have been saved? Might SOMEONE have been saved? All the brutality averted by a simple act of a neighborly gesture? Who of us can say that they have never been guilty of any of these things at one time or another?
Today instead of weeping for another child that is no longer safe at home and who could possibly be enduring a most horrific experience at the hands of a human monster, there are children who are not only apathetic to their suffering, but there are also ones who find comedic value in or look for ways to profit personally through the act of torment and cruelty of those people trying to hold it together.
Not all children are bad and not all are apathetic to the suffering of others, but numbers are growing. What will society be like 2 or 3 generations into the future?
I hope after reading all of this, you were not expecting me to have a solution for what ails the human race. Hell, there are countless people throughout the world who have college degrees out the wazoo and whose JOB it is to come up with a solution, and none of them have got a clue, why should I have the answer? I began writing this “commentary” and intended it to be short and to the point (hmm maybe 2 hours ago?) What I am saying is that I had not planned to ramble on as I have, so I had not really thought about a parting thought to leave you with or any “words of wisdom” to share, yet over the last paragraph I’ve realized something. Maybe those really smart people were not meant to have the answer. While each of us gripes about the world around us and believes that we are powerless to change the world, we are only fooling ourselves. Change comes from within each of us, and the world cannot begin to change until we do, one at a time. We don’t have to do anything drastic. We can do little things like wave our hand to the neighbor across the street and walk over to say hi, how you doing, how’s the family (or introduce yourself if you’ve never spoken before.) Find out their kids names (go home and write them down so you remember). Say hi to the kids every time you see them outside playing (if you forget their name, ask them again). Talk to the children. Tell them funny stories or dumb jokes. This shows them that you care enough to say hello, how are you? Follow this practice with all your neighbors you don’t know and I bet some of them follow your lead (the world is FULL of followers just in case you haven’t noticed.) A child that lives in a neighborhood where people care about each other is a child that is much safer from the monsters in the world. This is my commitment to my community. Are you willing to make one to yours?
This is so sick. I have been watching this “thing'” create havoc since almost day one with Sierras family and friends. They have been relentless, spending many hours everyday on social media over the last several months. The bad thing about this is when they are suspended they just create another account. Until social media sites do more to authenticate the users this will continue to grow. The lack of authentication on these sites also opens up the doors for pedophiles to prey on children through social media. If you can think of anything that we can do to push these sights to verify the users please let me know. Sadly, unless they are somehow forced to by law, they do not care. All they care about is numbers even if a large amount of them are false accounts.